My First Post, Again..
Thursday, February 05, 2009

So, I made the greatest mistake of deleting all my posts just to satisfy someone's childish demands. All of my written accounts for the past three years have been put to waste. That's why I am again starting a new life, turning another page in my "stressful life."

For weeks, I refused to talk about this to my family and friends. I decided to conceal it and work things out on my own. Obviously, this was a very big mistake.

Last December, I parted ways with a guy whom I spent more than 2 years of my life with. It happened just a few days before Christmas and naturally, I sort of became "lonely." But since I was in the province, it didn't hurt so much because I was with my family and my close friends. I am not ashamed to admit that I had a few moments of relapse, suddenly finding myself texting "him" and letting him know how shitty my life was. I was weak and I hated and blamed myself. It was until I went back to Manila that everything dawned on me, HE WAS GONE. For a good two weeks, I missed some classes, went to drinking sprees with my cousins and locked myself in my bedroom. I thought the pain was never going to end. -- I was wrong.

GOD is so good, He never failed me, all I needed to do was ask. I realized that wallowing over my pain was useless. I could do better than that! Suddenly, I noticed the things that I have never noticed before. There were a lot of people who loved me, there were still a lot of reasons for me to live. No single person can ever take away my right to happiness.

Gone were the days when I would cry all day. Gone were the days when I blamed myself for everything. Gone were the days when I depended on one person for my happiness. I am now learning to love and trust myself again.

I am learning how to forgive others, especially him. But most important of all, I am now learning to forgive myself.

LOVE is not a condition, love is not selfishness, love is not jealousy, love is not any material thing, love is not money, love is not physical desire, love is not anger, love is not revenge, love is not blindness.

There's a reason why God placed the brain inside the head and above the heart - so that when making important decisions, people would not make the mistake of using the heart instead of the brain.

Thanks to all the people who stayed with me through everything. You know who yo are. :-)


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I love coffee...
I love books...
I hate plastics and backbiters...
I'm a self-confessed bratinella...
I'm a daddy's girl...
I need to drink beer at least once a week...(Haha)
I hate being told what to do...
I constantly need assurance and pampering..
I'm sensitive...
I love rainy days...
I easily get bored...
I never want to feel guilty...
I'm moody...
Bitchesa + malambing = Myrtle
I love myself! Hell yeah!

"Loneliness is the anxiety that you do not matter at all."
~ Joyce Hugget




I am Myrtle Calvan, a journalism graduate of the University of the Philippines, currently working at the House of Representatives, Quezon City, Metro Manila.

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